Influence is the key to the 7th gate to understanding and agreement. In addition to Community, Intent, Coherence, Clarity, Feedback, and Flexibility, Influence is the master gate to communication flow.
Here is the basic rule you need to remember
"Everybody is selling all the time"
What this means is that any communication, from the first cry of a newly born child to the advertisment billboards we pass on the highway is trying to influence you. The same is true for your own communication. Whenever you speak, write or even when you dress up for an evening out, you are trying to get a point across, you are trying to influence, get feedback, get praise or rewards. We are all trying to sell something, all the time; and the more we become aware of that, the more we will improve our ability to consciously communicate, to understand, and to come to agreement.
I understand that some of you will reject this notion at this point. "I am NOT selling all the time", you might think. I would ask for your patience. Give me a chance to explain how this insight can help you become a master communicator, and give youself the chance to observe this effect the next time you are speaking with someone.
Here is the thing I would like for you to observe for the next few weeks. Proceed from the assumption, that, since you always have an implicit intention in any communication, so does the other party you are communicating with. Are you aware of that intent? Does it line up with your intention as well? What assumptions are you making about the intention of the other? Many times there is implicit agreement on the intent, but still, communication does not flow freely, and misunderstandings are almost the norm.
How come it is so hard to convince people to change their minds? How can you influence anyone to come over to your point, to agree with you, to take action with you? This loops us back to the introduction as well as chapter 1 and 2 of this blog/book where I talk about how our brain makes up our mind. The social brain automatically and constantly evaluates situations according to the fight/flight, good/bad, threat/benefit pattern. It specifically looks at situations using the following aspects, easily remembered by the SCARF acronym (a reference to this acronym is listed in chapter 2.)
SCARF stands for (1) Status, (2) Certainty, (3) Autonomy, (4) Relatedness, (5) Fairness
If you want to influence someone, for example to make them accept your price for the product you sell, you have to "put them at ease" at all of the 5 above levels. The objections they have against your value proposition, proposal or idea, could stem from any ONE of the above or a combination of the five. So, as you prepare for your communication, speech, moderation, negotiation or whatever flow you are trying to prepare for, use the following 5 questions as a checklist:
1. How can the proposal positively influence the status (social standing, reputation) of the audience. How can you communicate that? How can you provide evidence that this positive effect has happened to others?
2. How does the proposal impact the certainty of the situation? Does it introduce risk or even danger? How can you address and acknowledge the uncertainties upfront and provide a meditation for the risk? Can you show that you have done this before?
3. How does the proposal limit the ability of the audience to chose their own path? Does it lock them in? Do they have the flexibility to chose options? How can you provide more options without confusing them? Can the audience even participate in creating more options? People will support what they help create.
4. How does your proposal affect the relationships of the audience? Can you point out how it relates to others that are like them, their peer group, to customer references etc.? Can you outline how it improves their relationships to others? What community are they joining when they follow your lead or proposal?
5. How will the proposal perceived in terms of fairness (give and take). What are you willing to give in order to get something? Is there a clear value statement (difference between cost and benefit perceived). How can you bring proof and testimonials that the decision to go with your proposal is well balanced and justified on their terms of evaluation?
We know that people will change their minds and accept your proposal or value proposition if it is "good for them at some level". The above set of questions gives you some simple "mental guiderails" on what that means.
I have now discussed all 7 of the keys to the gates of understanding and agreement of the CommFlowSystem (Community, Intent, Coherence, Clarity, Feedback, Flexibility and Influence)
I understand this might seem overly simplistic to you. Let me assure you, I have looked at 100's of books on communication, selling, negotiation, conflict resolution and coaching and have found no better simplified approach than the one outlined above in more than 25 years of being a professional communicator. Everything I know, everything I read can be mapped to the 7 gates of the CommFlowSystem. The System can be approached with a minimum of investement (read this blog) and deliver instant value in your next interaction (if not, let me know). If it seems to you to be based on common sense, it seems so because it is is based on common sense. Its just that we tend to forget that in our everyday stressed out lives.
Humans pride themselves as being rational beings with superior language and thinking abilities. But at the end of the day, we are still ruled by the laws of survival laid down in millions of years of evolution. Our brain makes up our mind, but our attention, where we focus, and how we approach things, changes our brain. This is how we learn, grow and change, and communication should be an area of constant, lifelong improvement.
So, why not acknowledge that and use that insight to achieve a better communication flow?
Now that you have read chapter 10 (I hope you have read them 1 to 10, otherwise this might seem heavily out of context) I will go on with specific case examples in coming blogs that relate everyday examples to the 7 keys to the gates of understanding and agreement.
I am looking forward to your feedback on my CommFlowSystem. Feel free to send me your communication issues, and I will try to answer it in my blog.
Here is the basic rule you need to remember
"Everybody is selling all the time"
What this means is that any communication, from the first cry of a newly born child to the advertisment billboards we pass on the highway is trying to influence you. The same is true for your own communication. Whenever you speak, write or even when you dress up for an evening out, you are trying to get a point across, you are trying to influence, get feedback, get praise or rewards. We are all trying to sell something, all the time; and the more we become aware of that, the more we will improve our ability to consciously communicate, to understand, and to come to agreement.
I understand that some of you will reject this notion at this point. "I am NOT selling all the time", you might think. I would ask for your patience. Give me a chance to explain how this insight can help you become a master communicator, and give youself the chance to observe this effect the next time you are speaking with someone.
Here is the thing I would like for you to observe for the next few weeks. Proceed from the assumption, that, since you always have an implicit intention in any communication, so does the other party you are communicating with. Are you aware of that intent? Does it line up with your intention as well? What assumptions are you making about the intention of the other? Many times there is implicit agreement on the intent, but still, communication does not flow freely, and misunderstandings are almost the norm.
How come it is so hard to convince people to change their minds? How can you influence anyone to come over to your point, to agree with you, to take action with you? This loops us back to the introduction as well as chapter 1 and 2 of this blog/book where I talk about how our brain makes up our mind. The social brain automatically and constantly evaluates situations according to the fight/flight, good/bad, threat/benefit pattern. It specifically looks at situations using the following aspects, easily remembered by the SCARF acronym (a reference to this acronym is listed in chapter 2.)
SCARF stands for (1) Status, (2) Certainty, (3) Autonomy, (4) Relatedness, (5) Fairness
If you want to influence someone, for example to make them accept your price for the product you sell, you have to "put them at ease" at all of the 5 above levels. The objections they have against your value proposition, proposal or idea, could stem from any ONE of the above or a combination of the five. So, as you prepare for your communication, speech, moderation, negotiation or whatever flow you are trying to prepare for, use the following 5 questions as a checklist:
1. How can the proposal positively influence the status (social standing, reputation) of the audience. How can you communicate that? How can you provide evidence that this positive effect has happened to others?
2. How does the proposal impact the certainty of the situation? Does it introduce risk or even danger? How can you address and acknowledge the uncertainties upfront and provide a meditation for the risk? Can you show that you have done this before?
3. How does the proposal limit the ability of the audience to chose their own path? Does it lock them in? Do they have the flexibility to chose options? How can you provide more options without confusing them? Can the audience even participate in creating more options? People will support what they help create.
4. How does your proposal affect the relationships of the audience? Can you point out how it relates to others that are like them, their peer group, to customer references etc.? Can you outline how it improves their relationships to others? What community are they joining when they follow your lead or proposal?
5. How will the proposal perceived in terms of fairness (give and take). What are you willing to give in order to get something? Is there a clear value statement (difference between cost and benefit perceived). How can you bring proof and testimonials that the decision to go with your proposal is well balanced and justified on their terms of evaluation?
We know that people will change their minds and accept your proposal or value proposition if it is "good for them at some level". The above set of questions gives you some simple "mental guiderails" on what that means.
I have now discussed all 7 of the keys to the gates of understanding and agreement of the CommFlowSystem (Community, Intent, Coherence, Clarity, Feedback, Flexibility and Influence)
I understand this might seem overly simplistic to you. Let me assure you, I have looked at 100's of books on communication, selling, negotiation, conflict resolution and coaching and have found no better simplified approach than the one outlined above in more than 25 years of being a professional communicator. Everything I know, everything I read can be mapped to the 7 gates of the CommFlowSystem. The System can be approached with a minimum of investement (read this blog) and deliver instant value in your next interaction (if not, let me know). If it seems to you to be based on common sense, it seems so because it is is based on common sense. Its just that we tend to forget that in our everyday stressed out lives.
Humans pride themselves as being rational beings with superior language and thinking abilities. But at the end of the day, we are still ruled by the laws of survival laid down in millions of years of evolution. Our brain makes up our mind, but our attention, where we focus, and how we approach things, changes our brain. This is how we learn, grow and change, and communication should be an area of constant, lifelong improvement.
So, why not acknowledge that and use that insight to achieve a better communication flow?
Now that you have read chapter 10 (I hope you have read them 1 to 10, otherwise this might seem heavily out of context) I will go on with specific case examples in coming blogs that relate everyday examples to the 7 keys to the gates of understanding and agreement.
I am looking forward to your feedback on my CommFlowSystem. Feel free to send me your communication issues, and I will try to answer it in my blog.
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