Let's get started with your personal journey towards becoming a "Flowmaster", or master communicator if you prefer that term.
Before we get going, though, I'd like to make sure you are ready to answer the following questions with a firm "YES". If you have a few "No's" or "Maybe's" in the checklist, you will probably not get enough benefit from the following chapters of tips, techniques and exercises.
(1) I have carefully read the first 10 chapters of the "CommFlow System".
(2) I am willing to look for a "mirror" (friend, partner, colleague, mentor, trainer) who can observe me "in action" and give me honest and judgement free feedback on my communication style, habits and patterns.
(3) I am ready to accept that the only valid way to evaluate the effectiveness of a communication is via the results that are obtained and the feedback that is received.
Three times Yes? Excellent. Here is why these questions are so essential.
Regarding the first question. The first 10 chapters of the CommFlow System lay down the fundamental "axioms" of the communication system and we will revisit theses axioms during every case example and exercise. As a reminder, here are the Seven Gates to understanding and agreement we need to learn to apply in each and every communication:
Community - Intent - Coherence - Clarity - Feedback - Flexibility and Influence. As you will see, these gates are present in any communication, and most, if not all communication issues and exercises relate back to them. Don't worry if you have not memorized them, they will become second nature to you automatically as you complete the exercises of the following chapters.
Regarding the second question. It is essential to identify someone that can be your communication mirror, i.e. someone who just reflects - without judgement - your actions, words, habits, body language through observation. Without such a "mirror" it will be very hard to identify your deeply ingrained habits and your world models that guide your communication behavior and thereby your effectiveness. If you are giving a speech or a training class, recording yourself on video is certainly a good approach. Asking for feedback from the audience is another great way to evaluate your communication performance. But you can't have a camera with you all the time. So, thanks for saying "yes" to finding an honest communication "mirror", it will do miracles for your self awareness and therefore your skills. Of course, you can get started without having this person identified, but try to make sure you begin the search right away.
Regarding the third question. To truly make progress, you must accept that the meaning of any communication only and exclusively embedded in the results achieved and the feedback received. If you hear the phrase "But I said ..." you can be sure you are in a communication that violates this principle. It is not relevant what is being said. It is only relevant what is being heard. It is not relevant what is being taught. It is only relevant what is being learned. It is not relevant how many mails you send, or how many PowerPoint slides you show. The only thing that matters is the feedback you receive. Thanks for buying into this principle, it is fundamental and also is embedded as the "Feedback" gate of the CommFlow System.
Exercise 1. The S.A.N.I. Technique
Here is an exercise you should repeat on a daily basis. The exercise takes only a minute or so. It will calm you down, ground your awareness in the "now", and will help you get rid of as much mental ballast as possible so you can focus on the communication tasks at hand. I am using the word SANI to remember the 4 steps you are going through:
S Silence. Try to find a a place where there is NO sound, or at least a minimum of sound pollution. Sit, stand or lie down comfortably, and experience a minute of so of absolute silence and just observe what happens to your mind. You might be surprised about the level of "chatter" that is playing in your mind radio.There is no need to change that, just observe.
A Awareness. As you are comfortable in a place of silence, try to widen your field of awareness from what you hear and what is going in your mind to all your senses. What do feel & taste? What is your emotional state? Are you hungry, thirsty, nervous? Again, there is no need to go anything. Just try to cast the net of your awareness as far out into the "ocean" as you can without falling over board.
N Neutrality. As you are becoming more aware of your surroundings, the objects in your line of sight, or within reach of your body, try to observe how you "judge" them. You will see that "judging" something is an automatic process. Most things we observe are automatically categorized by our brain as good or bad, high or low quality, large or small, appropriate or out of place, pretty or ugly etc. The goal of this step is to observe the "judgement" as it happens and try to create a neutral stance to the situation to the extent that you can.
I Intention. When you feel that you have reached a state of Silent Neutral Awareness (this might only take a few seconds after a few weeks of practice), try to remember you intentions. These intentions could relate to the entire day, your week, your project, your presentation or to a problem to solve. Try to formulate your intention in terms of an outcome. Don't think about what you will "do" to get to the goal, but think instead about how you will know that the goal is achieved. What will you see, hear, feel when your intent has been realized? Try to "experience" the result to the extent you can. (Note: if you do this exercise in the evening, it might put you to sleep)
In the beginning the S.A.N.I. process might take a few minutes, and maybe you have to print a copy of these instructions to take with you. After a while this will become second nature and you will be able to achieve a state of focus very quickly. "Is this a mediation?", some of you will ask. If you so wish, it can be. I simply call it a technique to achieve focus. The goal is clear. Just imagine you walk into a communications situation (and most things we do in life and work do involve communications) with a distracted chatty mind, unaware of or closed to what's going on, biased to the things that are happening and unclear about your intentions .. how well do you think you are going to do?
So much for chapter 11.With your three "Yes" answers, and maybe first S.A.N.I. exercise complete, you are well under way.
Before we get going, though, I'd like to make sure you are ready to answer the following questions with a firm "YES". If you have a few "No's" or "Maybe's" in the checklist, you will probably not get enough benefit from the following chapters of tips, techniques and exercises.
(1) I have carefully read the first 10 chapters of the "CommFlow System".
(2) I am willing to look for a "mirror" (friend, partner, colleague, mentor, trainer) who can observe me "in action" and give me honest and judgement free feedback on my communication style, habits and patterns.
(3) I am ready to accept that the only valid way to evaluate the effectiveness of a communication is via the results that are obtained and the feedback that is received.
Three times Yes? Excellent. Here is why these questions are so essential.
Regarding the first question. The first 10 chapters of the CommFlow System lay down the fundamental "axioms" of the communication system and we will revisit theses axioms during every case example and exercise. As a reminder, here are the Seven Gates to understanding and agreement we need to learn to apply in each and every communication:
Community - Intent - Coherence - Clarity - Feedback - Flexibility and Influence. As you will see, these gates are present in any communication, and most, if not all communication issues and exercises relate back to them. Don't worry if you have not memorized them, they will become second nature to you automatically as you complete the exercises of the following chapters.
Regarding the second question. It is essential to identify someone that can be your communication mirror, i.e. someone who just reflects - without judgement - your actions, words, habits, body language through observation. Without such a "mirror" it will be very hard to identify your deeply ingrained habits and your world models that guide your communication behavior and thereby your effectiveness. If you are giving a speech or a training class, recording yourself on video is certainly a good approach. Asking for feedback from the audience is another great way to evaluate your communication performance. But you can't have a camera with you all the time. So, thanks for saying "yes" to finding an honest communication "mirror", it will do miracles for your self awareness and therefore your skills. Of course, you can get started without having this person identified, but try to make sure you begin the search right away.
Regarding the third question. To truly make progress, you must accept that the meaning of any communication only and exclusively embedded in the results achieved and the feedback received. If you hear the phrase "But I said ..." you can be sure you are in a communication that violates this principle. It is not relevant what is being said. It is only relevant what is being heard. It is not relevant what is being taught. It is only relevant what is being learned. It is not relevant how many mails you send, or how many PowerPoint slides you show. The only thing that matters is the feedback you receive. Thanks for buying into this principle, it is fundamental and also is embedded as the "Feedback" gate of the CommFlow System.
Exercise 1. The S.A.N.I. Technique
Here is an exercise you should repeat on a daily basis. The exercise takes only a minute or so. It will calm you down, ground your awareness in the "now", and will help you get rid of as much mental ballast as possible so you can focus on the communication tasks at hand. I am using the word SANI to remember the 4 steps you are going through:
S Silence. Try to find a a place where there is NO sound, or at least a minimum of sound pollution. Sit, stand or lie down comfortably, and experience a minute of so of absolute silence and just observe what happens to your mind. You might be surprised about the level of "chatter" that is playing in your mind radio.There is no need to change that, just observe.
A Awareness. As you are comfortable in a place of silence, try to widen your field of awareness from what you hear and what is going in your mind to all your senses. What do feel & taste? What is your emotional state? Are you hungry, thirsty, nervous? Again, there is no need to go anything. Just try to cast the net of your awareness as far out into the "ocean" as you can without falling over board.
N Neutrality. As you are becoming more aware of your surroundings, the objects in your line of sight, or within reach of your body, try to observe how you "judge" them. You will see that "judging" something is an automatic process. Most things we observe are automatically categorized by our brain as good or bad, high or low quality, large or small, appropriate or out of place, pretty or ugly etc. The goal of this step is to observe the "judgement" as it happens and try to create a neutral stance to the situation to the extent that you can.
I Intention. When you feel that you have reached a state of Silent Neutral Awareness (this might only take a few seconds after a few weeks of practice), try to remember you intentions. These intentions could relate to the entire day, your week, your project, your presentation or to a problem to solve. Try to formulate your intention in terms of an outcome. Don't think about what you will "do" to get to the goal, but think instead about how you will know that the goal is achieved. What will you see, hear, feel when your intent has been realized? Try to "experience" the result to the extent you can. (Note: if you do this exercise in the evening, it might put you to sleep)
In the beginning the S.A.N.I. process might take a few minutes, and maybe you have to print a copy of these instructions to take with you. After a while this will become second nature and you will be able to achieve a state of focus very quickly. "Is this a mediation?", some of you will ask. If you so wish, it can be. I simply call it a technique to achieve focus. The goal is clear. Just imagine you walk into a communications situation (and most things we do in life and work do involve communications) with a distracted chatty mind, unaware of or closed to what's going on, biased to the things that are happening and unclear about your intentions .. how well do you think you are going to do?
So much for chapter 11.With your three "Yes" answers, and maybe first S.A.N.I. exercise complete, you are well under way.
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