Flexibility is the 6th gate to understanding and agreement. In addition to Community, Intent, Coherence, Clarity and Feedback, it is important to continuously improve our flexibility in how we both send and receive information.
A typical example for flexibility is the use of examples, quotes and analogies to make a point. Another example of flexibility is the constant willlingness to accept communication feedback for what it is and keep trying to find different ways to get a message across. But the most important aspect of flexibility is the simple awareness and acknowledgement, that there different modes or states of mind and different personalities that need different approaches for getting into a communications flow.
Regarding the different modes of thinking/acting, the 2 key dimensions along which you can develop flexibility in communications are.
A. Things/Facts vs. Feelings
B. Thinking/Talking vs. Acting
If you develop this as a 2 by 2 matrix, you might be able to see "in your minds eye" (I will add a graphic in the book) that that gives you 4 different base states of a communication
Thinking/Talking about Things/Facts
Thinking/Talking about Feelings/Thoughts
Acting on Feelings/Thoughts
Acting on Things/Facts
Often, when we are in a situation where communications are becoming difficult, it is because we have not matched up the modalities properly. While you are ready for "action based on the facts at hand", the other party is still busy "thinking about how they feel about that". At the end of the day, the purpose of any communication is to get to some form of result or action. The progress of thinking is always reflected in "doing" and you will never solve a problem by thinking or talking (unless the problem is purely created through thinking). But if people are still caught up in thinking about their feelings and you have not explored that, no amount of facts will get them to move.
So what are the action steps here?
1. Don't assume that everyone is in the same mode. Not everyone is ready to act on the spur of the moment.
2. Every decision is an emotional decision, its just that people explain the decision differently. Some need the facts to get to the emotional state "Ready to decide". Other people need relationships in place to get to the emotional state "ready to decide". But at the end of the day, we are driven by emotions, and our brain's thoughts are able to change our emotional state just as facts are.
3. Find out where the hang up in the communication is. Is it about the facts at hand? Can you provide additional facts? Is it about the way things feel? What would have to happen to make the audience feel better?
4. Always seek the reason for the communication problem in yourself. Never blame the audience for not understanding. There is ALWAYS another way to get the point across.
Once you get to the point that you consider the simple 2 by 2 matrix in your communications, you will see a marked change in your flexibility, and thereby in your level of success in getting your point across and reaching a broader set of audiences with your message. Once you undestand that emotions are the gateway to action, you will see your communication approach change.
A typical example for flexibility is the use of examples, quotes and analogies to make a point. Another example of flexibility is the constant willlingness to accept communication feedback for what it is and keep trying to find different ways to get a message across. But the most important aspect of flexibility is the simple awareness and acknowledgement, that there different modes or states of mind and different personalities that need different approaches for getting into a communications flow.
Regarding the different modes of thinking/acting, the 2 key dimensions along which you can develop flexibility in communications are.
A. Things/Facts vs. Feelings
B. Thinking/Talking vs. Acting
If you develop this as a 2 by 2 matrix, you might be able to see "in your minds eye" (I will add a graphic in the book) that that gives you 4 different base states of a communication
Thinking/Talking about Things/Facts
Thinking/Talking about Feelings/Thoughts
Acting on Feelings/Thoughts
Acting on Things/Facts
Often, when we are in a situation where communications are becoming difficult, it is because we have not matched up the modalities properly. While you are ready for "action based on the facts at hand", the other party is still busy "thinking about how they feel about that". At the end of the day, the purpose of any communication is to get to some form of result or action. The progress of thinking is always reflected in "doing" and you will never solve a problem by thinking or talking (unless the problem is purely created through thinking). But if people are still caught up in thinking about their feelings and you have not explored that, no amount of facts will get them to move.
So what are the action steps here?
1. Don't assume that everyone is in the same mode. Not everyone is ready to act on the spur of the moment.
2. Every decision is an emotional decision, its just that people explain the decision differently. Some need the facts to get to the emotional state "Ready to decide". Other people need relationships in place to get to the emotional state "ready to decide". But at the end of the day, we are driven by emotions, and our brain's thoughts are able to change our emotional state just as facts are.
3. Find out where the hang up in the communication is. Is it about the facts at hand? Can you provide additional facts? Is it about the way things feel? What would have to happen to make the audience feel better?
4. Always seek the reason for the communication problem in yourself. Never blame the audience for not understanding. There is ALWAYS another way to get the point across.
Once you get to the point that you consider the simple 2 by 2 matrix in your communications, you will see a marked change in your flexibility, and thereby in your level of success in getting your point across and reaching a broader set of audiences with your message. Once you undestand that emotions are the gateway to action, you will see your communication approach change.
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